It is such an interesting phenomenon, in my couples and family therapy work, to see more and more women (25-40 years of age), across cultures, mostly middle-class, voicing their struggles in their relationships, pushing their partners to show up better, seeking therapy, earning more than their (male) partners at work, and overall having SO much ambition and drive, while more and more men in that age group are struggling with questions like- what is my passion? What is an empowered masculinity today, and how should I show up? The wiser men are seeking help, the not so wise ones are participating in the buildup of slowly exploding pressure cooker. We are really heading toward an overall crisis in relationship durability, if we don’t invest in our growth, maturity and development urgently. Catch the train!
Tag: poetry
Light the lamp and there’s radiance
As I think about Art Therapy, Feminism, the new political year in the US and the political turmoil in India…my thoughts lead to this Kabir song I’m sharing:
Light the lamp,
and there’s radiance,
Such a small bundle,
It will bite dust one day,
It will mingle with the mud,
in the temple,
Light the lamp,
and there’s radiance
Who will awaken in the light of this utter turmoil we are facing today? Do I have what it takes to awaken?
From the Ajab Shahar Project:
“Guru shatters the pitch darkness, the lamp destroys the utter blackness, says Kabir, urging us to light the lamp in our temple. ‘Jagariya’ – literally ‘one who awakens’ – is the last name of Asariya bhai, and many of the other singers in this mandali. So it’s not surprising that their families have been in the tradition of singing Kabir and other mystic poets for several generations. Kabir is a widely loved nirgun poet of the 15th century, well known for his rude and rough rhetoric, designed to shake us out of our unconscious ways. The song casts a powerful spell as it weaves together the other voices that ‘awaken’ – Devji Asariya Jagariya and Devji Ghabha Jagariya – who are from nearby villages. As the song says, light the lamp and there’s radiance!
Asariya Khima Jagariya has imbibed the tradition of ‘aradhiya bhajan’ from a very young age from his father Khima Bapa and his grandfather. He belongs to Kharoda village in Lakhpat, Kutch in western Gujarat, can be contacted at +91-81411-73115”
Winter Solstice & Relationships
“Buddhism teaches that however passionate two people are at the start of their relationship, over the course of time the intensity of that feeling will fade and change. This is because romantic love is all too often a manifestation of the world of Rapture, which is, by definition, short-lived. The passing of the rapturous phase does not necessarily mean that the couple will have stopped loving each other – although some people think this is what has happened and can get very worried – but that other aspects of the Ten Worlds have come to the fore.
For example, through the rose-tinted spectacles of Rapture, Ms A is beguiled by Mr B’s easy-going charm. But as Rapture fades, as it must, she’s increasingly irritated by what she now sees as his laziness and refusal ever to take a stand on anything. In other words, the tranquility that attracted her has begun to repel her.
It is in this confrontation with the reality of two people living their daily life together that the wisdom of Buddhism once again reveals itself.”
– Soka Gakkai Buddhism
Happy Holidays. Much strength to transform poison into medicine to those who are struggling in relationship, with themselves, their chosen or not chosen families and friends.
This can be a triggering time, please take care of yourselves- if possible, not by isolation but through gaining some new tools on conflict resolution, sharing in community and working through triggers…atleast that’s what helps me.
Valves
I was looking at you look at me, from the corner of your heart.
It is a place only you and me can see together.
The valves mingle within the warm waters of what you call love.
I am not there.
You are.
Suddenly,we look away,almost together.
It is as if what we said or did or understood as ours was not ours anymore but you now speak in third person.
I don’t exist.
You don’t exist.
You are now looking at me looking at you, the you that doesn’t exist. You are here. I am not.
All I see is you. The you that doesn’t exist.
The First Instant
I’m coming
home
to a pile of love
an empty bed
on
a full page,
crisp sheets,
a tattered
envelope,
a weary
traveler,
a bit wet too,
the rain survives
the call
of my heart
as paper
suffices
to let
me think
of you.
What They Said
Since I published this post, I have been receiving many messages asking me to stop talking about friends’ personal lives. Just to clarify, this is a narrative based on memory. When I was young, I heard someone in the near family making a choice and that influenced me. What comes out now, is fictional.
Displayed at University of Michigan SAPAC ( Sexual Abuse and Prevention Centre, Ann Arbour, Michigan)’s art exhibit called Revolution, the pictures can be found here.
You were an object
A toy
An instrument
They said
He used you
They said
I have a girlfriend
He said
She loves me
He said
But doesn’t fuck me
Like you do
He said
I love her
He said
I love you
He said
He used you
They said
You fuck me too well
He said
To let go
He said
Would you love me too
I said
If she didn’t love you
I said
You think too much
He said
Won’t you hold me tonight
He said
I like your hat
She said
Walking in the snow
Hot ginger lemon in one hand
The other arm
Tightly tucked
In his
You have lovely eyes
I said
Heard so much about you
I said
Seen your picture
I said
He loves you
I said
The girl who fucked dishonesty
They said
The boy who loved
Two worlds
They said
And kept each a secret
They said
Because the girl was too nice
They said
She was scared
They said
To lose what she never had
They said
How did they know
I said
Can you keep a secret
I said
I’ve just met you
She said
Smiling, amused by this girl
But, sure
She said
Tell me
Don’t we need to go
He said
It is getting late
He said
It is getting late
I said
It is probably
Too late already
I said
Whatever do you mean
She said
I fucked him
I said
He fucked me
I said
He fucked you
I said
You are a whore
A bloody whore
She said
Bloody
She said
An honest one
She said
Coffee in our hands
What could I do
I said
What can I do
She said
You are a whore
They said
You shouldn’t have told her
They said
You won’t sleep with me, then?
He said
You are a fucker
She said
She was right
She said.